Thursday, February 27, 2014

it's hard to dance with the devil on your back

I have just come to the realization that about a year has passed since I got my denial email from BYU. Not going to lie, about a year ago today I was the most devastated I had ever been before. After a couple months of unrelated struggles, this one hit me like cinder block. In my mind, after a couple months of one rough patch after the other, this was my one last hope. And to by quite honest, I was pretty sure I was going to get accepted. At least that's what people kept telling me. According to everyone around me, there was no way on earth I wasn't going to get in. So when I started seeing people posting on Facebook saying they had gotten in and I had received a flood of texts asking if I had gotten my answer yet, my stomach started to clench and I felt like throwing up I was so nervous. But I just told myself, "there's no way Heavenly Father would do something else to me after everything that's happened... just no way."

But I was wrong. I opened my email and my eyes went directly to the big, bold letters that read DENIED.

I am not going to say I handled it well, because heaven knows I did not. I spent the rest of my night in tears and even had my parents shoo away my friends who had come to visit me. I didn't have a plan B. I didn't know where I would be in a couple months. And I didn't know what would become of my life. I felt so lost and there wasn't really anything anyone could say to make me feel better about the situation I had just been put in.

.....pause... sound dramatic? as silly as it seems to me now, that is truly how things went down.

But I am so happy and pleased to share that this is not how things are now!

I would go through it all over again to get me where I am today.

There is a plan for everyone. I can testify it is not always how we plan things for ourselves or how we except/ want things to turn out. But in the long-term, it is exactly the way it's supposed to be. I have no doubt that the people I have met and the experiences I have had here at Utah State University are exactly what I needed to help me grow into the person I want to become. Coming to school here was no mistake, accident or coincidence. If I had been anywhere else, I would have missed so many opportunities to meet some incredible people and have some of the best moments of my life!

USU has given me the opportunity to see the world with new eyes. After being here for exactly one semester and a half (yes it's midterms) I feel like a stronger, less judgmental, more easy going, spontaneous and confident person.

I love this school because you can seriously be anyone you want to be. I know, you're shaking your head and saying, "oh please, you can do that anywhere" but seriously there is no perfect "mold" here. Everyone loves everyone and I am not even close to exaggerating. This community and campus are more connected than you could ever imagine. Everyone is insanely friendly and when we come together during sporting events there is nothing that can break that bond!

I am thankful for what got me here. I am grateful Heavenly Father knew what was best for me, even when I had my doubts in the calls He was making on my life. Life is good and even on rainy days, whether it be physical rain (like today) or metaphorical rain, there is no reason EVER to give up hope.

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