THE PROPOSAL

Let me just start out by saying, I AM WRITING THIS POST WITH A BEAUTIFUL RING ON MY FINGER BECAUSE I GOT ENGAGED TO MY SWEETHEART AND YYYYAAAAYYYY HE BECAME MY FIANCE!

Ahhhh man, life is so wonderful and love is the sweetest cherry on top.

I’ve known this happy moment was coming any day, so naturally the past few weeks I’ve been pretty skeptical of everything Kendal did. And he tricked me into thinking it was going to happen more than once. From a fancy dinner to acting weird about littlest things to kneeling by his bed while I sat in front of him (that last one occurred just seconds before we left to the place it actually DID happen… That boy, always playing with my heart strings. Gosh, I have quite the life ahead of me… hahaha).

So when Kendal asked me to pick a place to go to dinner on Thursday night, I was certain it was going to happen sometime after that because we’ve been pretty tight with our spending lately, knowing that marriage lay ahead of us. I told my mom and one of my roommates my predictions about getting engaged and they both did a pretty good job of talking me out of it because it wasn’t the first time “I thought I saw it coming” (if ya know what I mean, lolzz).

We went to a delicious dinner at HuHot Mongolian Grill and had so much fun feasting on the yummy food and enjoying each other’s company (Gah! I'm seriously so in love with that boy.) Afterword’s Kendal said he needed to go on a walk to stretch out his sore legs from playing a crazy game of flag football the prior night (or should I say claimed he needed to go on a walk…. Well, it fooled me all right).

We first went by his house to grab a jacket for me because he knows I always get cold (but the REAL reason was he needed to grab the ring and put a jacket on himself so he could have a place to hide the ring - I should have known something was up when he put a jacket on himself... he NEVER gets cold!) and then we were on our way. 

I still had my premises about a proposal and after Kendal had his laugh over the look on my face when he knelt by the bed (that dang trick I spoke about earlier) I told him there was no way he could succeed in surprising me because I'd been watching his every move for the past couple weeks… Man though, was I ever wrong! The dang irony. 

We drove to a trail just across the way from First Dam (for all you peeps not familiar with Logan, this is a fun little hike near the beginning of Logan Canyon). Kendal and I had walked up here before, but never at night… AND AH IT IS SO PRETTY UP THERE AFTER DARK. You can see all the lights of Cache Valley, including the brightest lights from the Logan Temple and the infamous “A” atop Old Main. 

After we had walked and talked a while, I saw what looked like lanterns in the distance. My stomach lurched because I thought I was finally correct about getting engaged! However, as we got closer, I saw two people together, nestled in a blanket on a bench. All I thought was “dang it, that would have been cute”. We were passing the two people just when a voice from the dark said, “Kendal? Claire?” and to my surprise it was one of Kendal’s old roommates with his cute girlfriend! I didn't even think anything of seeing them there because we are always running into those two in the most random places! Also, that is totally something they would do together because one of the other times we have stumbled upon them they were laying on a blanket stargazing in a park! So we stopped and chatted with them for a bit and I kept commenting on how cute and romantic their idea was. They had sprawled out a blanket over the bench and on each side of them were three luminaries lighting up the night. I told Kendal we needed to do something like that sometime and they offered to let us steal their spot because they planned to be leaving soon anyway. We decided to let them be a little longer and Kendal said maybe we would snag it from on our way back. So we kept on walking. After a bit Kendal suggested that maybe we should turn around and head back. I agreed and we strolled back down the way we came until we met up with Chris and Maddie again. They insisted we take their place and I happily agreed because I really couldn't get over how cute of an idea it was! 

Just after they were gone I asked Kendal if he had his phone on him because I wanted to capture such a perfect night but he told me he didn't, which I thought was crazy because I swore he had it out earlier on our walk! I’m sure he noticed the clogs in my head turning trying to remember if I had seen him with his phone and so he had no option but to act fast before I realized what had happened (little did I know he passed his phone off to Maddie so she could take pictures of what was about to take place). He asked me if I thought it would be too cheesy if we set up the luminaries in a circle that we could slow dance in the middle of and I asked him how we were supposed to do that without any music (and yes, this totally made me feel like Allie Hamilton on “The Notebook” when she and Noah dance in the middle of the street). Kendal set up the circle and I joined him in the middle, starting to sway to the rhythm of our heartbeats. 

Not long after though, I saw a light coming down the trail. I thought it must be a biker or something with crazy bright reflectors and that we were about to get run over. I tried to push Kendal out of the way saying someone was coming but he wasn’t saying anything or moving. While my attention was focused on the light, Kendal took his chance to kneel down beside me so when I looked to see why he wasn’t doing anything to get out of the way I found him on the ground, on one knee, holding a sparkly ring in his hands, grinning from ear to ear. I could not believe what I was seeing! Turns out the light coming down the trail were Chris and Maddie taking pictures of our most special moment. When Kendal said the words “Will you marry me?” all I could get out was a surprised little “Really?!”. When Kendal nodded his head that this was really happening I couldn’t say yes fast enough! OOOOHHHH GOSH. How did he manage to surprise me even when I thought I saw it coming? I had been prepared for it all night, up until I thought we were going to meet our doom with a biker racing down the trail. Hahaha it is so funny how magical moments come to be, isn’t it? I love that boy and I love that he did the one thing I asked for and made the proposal a huge surprise for me (oh and to also have someone capture it all on camera). Mmm mmm mmm I lucked out big time, ladies and gentleman. I can’t believe he is all mine FOREVER. Here’s to eternity babe! I love you Kendal King. I can’t wait to be your Queen <3

You’ll hear the wedding bells ringing on December 30^th! Come help us celebrate our mad, crazy, wild, fun, passionate, silly, magical, charmed, young, happy, incandescent LOOOOVE  (:

Kendal sliding the pretty little ring onto my happy little hands. 

WE ARE GETTING MARRIED WAHOO

The purest joy. Ah he is the best of the best.

happiest moment!

PDA

I'm a little obsessed with him...

Forever in shock

Yo, Kendy.... I LOVE YOUR FACE! Especially in this picture ;)  He did such a stellar job picking out my dream ring (even he can hardly believe it's prettiness! haha)

Trying to figure out how I scored such a smooth and clever and babelicious human being.

Happy happy (windy) joy!!!

*quick disclaimer.... the reflectors on Kendal's jacket I borrowed were making tons of the pictures super blurry (kind of a bummer) so we did a little reenacting. BUT the candid happiness and shock are definitely still here. Goodness, I sure am head over heals for this one. 

"I'm in love, I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!" - Elf

Forget butterflies, this boy gives me the whole zoo!

Cheesin' with good reason

Save the date! 12.30.15.

Love yo-self

Hey hey hey world it's your girl C-Money here comin at cha live with a new remix because dead week is upon us, I feel overwhelmed and I desperately need a reason to paint my thoughts constructively otherwise you might see little Claire chunks all over my room due to an overproduction of finals anxiety.

Alright my rant is over. Let's get down to the good stuff. 

So today, as I sat in my Family Finance class my fingers wandered over to a little place most commonly known as Pinterest but to me it's called easy procrastination. 

And there I did find a lovely pin that spoke to the deeper sides of my beating heart.

It said:

The fact that someone else loves you doesn't rescue you from the project of loving yourself. 

Boom diddy, did that ring true to anyone else? I love this. A lot a lot a lot.

You guys! Loving yourself is no easy task at times and I don't think many people would list themselves as something they love if they were to write a list of things they <3 most. And I just don't think it should be this way. As I've said before, you are a catch and one dang sweet pea at that so love yourself because no one better can treat you as special as you can. Don't get me wrong, receiving love from outsides sources is just as important, but if you don't love yourself first, how can you expect anyone else to give you the love you deserve? Uh huh, chew on that. 

Now it's time for a little public service announcement to all my loyal readers (hi mom and dad hehe). Except the parentals are already in the know of this little tid bit so I guess I am just adding this because I am kind of stoked on it (and it's important to the message of this post).

There's this boy my heart's been attaching itself to recently and I even though I am still getting used to saying "yes" when people ask me if I am dating anyone I'm really enjoying all my time spent with this special one. 

So what I am getting at here is the difference in this relationship than what I've had in the past (besides the fact he's one of the coolest people I've had the pleasure of getting to know... but before this gets too cheesy, which it would because I could go on and on about things I dig about him, I will get to my point). I've never loved myself more than I do now and to be honest I owe so much of this newfound love and confidence in myself to my beautiful experiences abroad as well as my time at Utah State University. 

The only other relationship I've had was with someone in high school and the end was super rocky for me because he was my happy during the months we dated. When our relationship was over, it seemed so was my zest for life. I didn't know what I wanted to do with life (senior year in high school calls for some major and scary decisions), I didn't know my place in life and most importantly I didn't know myself. I was letting myself rely on others for happiness, which is bad news bears because people come and go so you should never place something as critical as your self-worth and love on something that can so easily walk away. 

Experiences in the last two years have pushed me to my limits and I have allowed the hardships to help me grow. I've learned how capable I am, my roll in my own life and in the lives of others, and I've taken special notice to the little things that matter and not so much notice to the little things that seem like a bigger deal than they are. Everything I have learned has helped me to love myself and that has been the greatest blessing. I can cheer myself up on a bad day and I never allow others to make me feel inferior. I am my own happy and instead of finding it in others I can share it with the people I love. The way others feel about you should not determine the way you feel about yourself. 

So just because someone loves you does not mean you can stop loving yourself. You gotta love yourself first and foremost so you always know what you deserve and what you can give. 

Here's to BAEing yourself <3

Two for you Glen Coco

Okay, okay, I promise I will hunker down and get going on this dang studying in a second. But after I published my last post I found something in a file I forgot existed and there was so much emotion in these documents I felt inclined to share. I wrote both these poems my senior year and could feel myself relive every word I wrote down. Writing man, such a fantastic form of self-expression.

I remember wanting to share these somewhere people could see but ended up feeling too exposed. A couple years later though, I find myself relating to what 18 year old me felt and I think it's something that could help anyone experiencing either of these emotions.

As I read through what the younger version of me wrote, I find little things like grammar errors or confusing phrases that I would like to correct but refrained to keep what I felt then completely raw and real.

Also, the second poem is unfinished, and probably never will be finished. I remember writing down the words began to hurt too much and I stopped mid-poem. In a way though, I like this. These are as real as they get and I hope you enjoy the read.

Here goes:

Love

The thing about love is

It is the best feeling in the world.

It is the

most exhilarating

most frightening

most wonderful

most intense

feeling you have ever felt

always happening, all at once.

It feels like someone has put a pressure on your chest so strong that your heart might explode at any given second.

The silly songs on the radio finally make complete sense.

You can’t help but sing along to every sappy lyric with a goofy smile plastered across your face.

When you so simply speak their name

It is never done without a smile in your

Voice. Your most favorite sound.

Their laugh, their smell, their taste, their presence

Faultless.

The way their eyes sparkle, the steady rhythm of their beating heart, the softness of their breathing

Flawless.

In fact, it’s more perfect than your dreams. So perfect, in fact, that you can’t sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

It’s like you’ve just stepped off the Teacups in Disney Land,

Dizzy; but in the happiest place you’ve ever been.

No matter what you are doing, if you are with them, you are completely content.

No silence is uncomfortable. Silence is what brings their soul closer to yours than any arrangement of words ever could.

But when conversation begins, the phrases exchanged are without end.  

You feel yourself suddenly open up in ways you never knew were closed off.

Direct eye contact makes your insides flutter yet puts your mind in a state of ease you didn’t know existed.

Your mind screams how in love you are with them every time you look up at them.

See, the thing about love is

You need not have to say “I Love you” but forever want to say it so they know.

Heartbreak

The thing about heartbreak is

It is the worst feeling in the world

It is

utter devastation

absolute confusion

unstable anger

and blunt regretfulness.

Your chest tightens to the point where you can hardly bare to breathe.

 It feels like a bowling ball has been planted on top of your lungs and the roots are tangling around your heart, restricting the unsteady beats.

Your best friends become the depressed lyrists, unemotionally permitting them to temporarily numb the infectious wounds. 

The sound of their name makes you cringe.

Every memory, every laugh, every shared secret

Wasted.

You sit unmoving for countless hours replaying every moment

Trying to understand where the rotting began.

And with every replayed memory comes a void smile

Recognition these flashbacks will not come with a sequel.

positive self-talk > negative self-talk

Has anyone else noticed a pattern in my blog posts? For example, I’ve just come to the conclusion that they almost always start out with some kind of disclaimer… like “I am stressed to the maxxx and have a shizton to do, yet here is X reason I simply must release my thoughts to the world”?

Well whoops, here we go again. The good news here is that writing works as a major stress reliever to me. It is the very best kind of free therapy/ self-expression. So mahalla, looks like my choice of study really is where I need to be (even if I am procrastinating studying for said major right this second. Heh oops).

I’ve wanted to post something on the following topic for a long time but haven’t been able to phrase the words in a way I like. However, today as I fixing my hair before I ran off the my second home, aka the library, I thought about it in a way that was new and refreshing to me so I figured maybe this time around I would be able to string together the words the way I’d like them to sound…

I have this little saying that keeps me sane (maybe not humble haha but sane) and that is:

I AM A CATCH.

Yes, sometimes shy Claire has an ego (but it only sounds totally egotistic, I promise. I have sound reasoning for this so you need to keep your hope in me alive and just give me a chance to explain). This little saying has the ability to keep me going so I would like you to consider giving it a shot too.

YOU ARE A CATCH.

And you are. Any person would be lucky to have you in their life. And if they don’t see it, show ‘em your fav finger (it doesn’t have to be obscene… flash ‘em the pinky if it makes you feel good) and forget them. You deserve the best and you should only welcome the best into the special parts of your life and your heart.

Growing up, I had a little bit of an issue with negative self-talk. Speaking on behalf of girls and boys all over the world, I’m certain this is something everyone struggles with time to time. Common as it is, this is NOT a healthy habit. It doesn’t get you anywhere and it will leave you feeling miserable and hopeless. So cut out the murky, negative self-talk and tell yourself YOU ARE A CATCH.

Whether you are single, wondering when you are going to find that special someone that lights up your whole world/ why you haven’t been graced with someone so wonderful just yet or; you are in a relationship but still fear how someone so amazing could look at you with the same adoration you look at them with.

STOP WORRYING AND REMIND YOURSELF YOU ARE A CATCH.

Coming up with positive attributes about yourself can be difficult, I know. If it helps, write down what you love about yourself on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere you’ll see frequently. Heck, say it out loud to yourself every morning in front of the mirror if that’s more your kind of thing – or even if it’s not, just do it. I don’t care how uncomfortable it makes you.

Confession: I have tried both these exercises and weird as I felt doing it, it worked! Focusing on what you love about yourself will boost that self confidence in no time and can even change the world! Happy people are rare (even all those girls/boys with the “perfect” lives on social media could be putting up a fake façade). But if you are truly happy with who you are, nothing can break down that happiness for more than like .586 nano seconds.

I wrote a post on “fake it til you make it” over a year ago, yet it remains of my favorite mottos. Even if you are stuck in a dark place where it seems impossible to even find one thing about yourself, pretend you loooove something as simple as your own smile and I promise, after flashing your own pearly whites to yourself a couple times, you will really begin to truly love it! These methods are tried and true folks. Make it true for you too.

And no… I am not saying once you tell yourself you are a catch you will always feel like the bomb diggity. In fact, the world beats down harder on happy people. Just do your best to rise above it. And when you catch yourself questioning your self- worth, flash that fav finger to the little devil messing with your perfectly beautiful and capable mind and remind yourself that you are the girl with the

Firm faith in God

Lips you would kiss if they weren’t already attached to your face

Hilariously delightful humor

Strong body and mind

Charitable heart

Betty Crocker’s hardest competition

Cultural experiences

Open mind

And loving soul.

I AM A CATCH. AND SO ARE YOU.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ciao ragazzi! (I’m still loving all things Italian even though my European adventure came to a close about 2 whole months ago *sob*)

Spring Break is 4 days away and I am having a hard time focusing (whoops) so I decided to do something that qualifies as productive and write down some of my latest thoughts (my comm. teach would be so proud… he is always stressing how important it is to express emotion) <-- (hehe and I always have to justify my actions so there’s a disclaimer for my procrastination)

Who else has a fondness for long, solo drives in the car to gather their deepest thoughts and jam to their best music? Cause I sure do.

Last weekend I had the chance to do just that when I went home to dandy Sandy to celebrate my G-Ma’s 90^th (#turnt). All that alone time in the confined space of my new-to-me super cute car had me reflecting on my life and life in general and the weird mysteries of it all. And you know what? I realized that even though nothing super spectacular is currently happening in my life right now… my life is still the raddest!

And it’s all about attitude.

I frequently stare at old pictures and get craaaazy nostalgic but then I think about the memories I’m making now and the people I am meeting here and I get so excited! Logan, Utah sounds a little lame compared to the major cities I visited in Europe but somehow, some way, the experiences I had in those magical lands sparked a zest for life in me that I didn’t recognize before!

At the beginning of my semester abroad it was the big things that made my heart swell with joy; like buying a train ticket to a new destination or exchanging glances with a hot Italian man on the metro (shallow, yes, I know… but ayy when in rome). But a couple weeks in, I started appreciating the teeny tiniest things; like watching a little bambino kick around a soccer ball with his dad or watching the joy on the woman’s face spread as she set out that days display of treats in my favorite pastry shop. And I’ll never forget the gleeful sound of the little Swiss girl’s laugh as she blew a bubble bigger than her in the plaza… Because it was then that I realized I was not only falling in love with my own exciting life, right there, in all the cool hype of Zurich, Switzerland – But I was falling in love with existing and the people who populate this cool planet.

It’s easy to be happy when life is going your way. It’s easy to be happy when you get to explore a new culture every weekend. It’s easy to be happy when you are living the life that most people only get to experience via Pinterest.

But I am here to tell you that even when things don’t go your way, when you’re stuck at home without a date on a Friday night, or when your reality is actually just sitting in the library writing papers and studying textbooks… It’s still possible to love life and be happy happy happy.

And for the second time, I emphasize, it’s all about attitude!

This year my resolution was to wake up and decide to have a good day every day and guess what boys and girls? I HAVE.

Agreeable to T-Swift’s summer single, when shiz comes your way, all you got to do is “Shake It Off”! I don’t care what anyone says, that tune speaks to my soul.

I had the coolest roommates last semester and I learned a lot from each of them. But one thing my SoCal girl said has stuck with me and it has changed my life!

“It is what it is.”

That’s right. 5 short words. Sweet and to the point.

As I’ve mentioned before, contrary to popular belief, life abroad was not always daisies and gelato (Okay I lie. Life over there was always gelato). But believe it or not, no matter how perfect social media made my life look, things were not perfect! In fact, some days were just the opposite of perfect… because hey! That’s life! And you know what Quinn would always say when something not-so-awesome happened? Those sweet 5 short words.

Life is going to happen. Whether it’s good or bad. Whether you want it or not. You can’t always control your life but you are always in control of your attitude.

Here’s how it works:

Ugly test score? It is what it is. I can do better next time.

Boy isn’t crushing back? It is what it is. He will find perfect for him and I will find someone perfect for me.

Roommate drama? It is what it is. I’ll keep doing me and they can keep doing them.

I could go on but as much as I’d like to think of this as my diary… it’s not. What I’m saying is… nothing is ever a big a deal as you initially think. Life goes on. It is what it is.

Here’s to a new motto to live by or remembering an old motto you’ve heard in the past: Life is what it is and you sometimes you just need to accept the ways things are and move right along. It will all be okay in the end! I promise you, with this attitude, life will instantly become easier and more enjoyable too.

So next time you’re feeling like life should be better to you or you find yourself getting frustrated about something out of your control, throw up your arms like this cool little guy that I recently learned how to create ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and remind yourself IT IS WHAT IT IS.