Two for you Glen Coco

Okay, okay, I promise I will hunker down and get going on this dang studying in a second. But after I published my last post I found something in a file I forgot existed and there was so much emotion in these documents I felt inclined to share. I wrote both these poems my senior year and could feel myself relive every word I wrote down. Writing man, such a fantastic form of self-expression.

I remember wanting to share these somewhere people could see but ended up feeling too exposed. A couple years later though, I find myself relating to what 18 year old me felt and I think it's something that could help anyone experiencing either of these emotions.

As I read through what the younger version of me wrote, I find little things like grammar errors or confusing phrases that I would like to correct but refrained to keep what I felt then completely raw and real.

Also, the second poem is unfinished, and probably never will be finished. I remember writing down the words began to hurt too much and I stopped mid-poem. In a way though, I like this. These are as real as they get and I hope you enjoy the read.

Here goes:

Love

The thing about love is

It is the best feeling in the world.

It is the

most exhilarating

most frightening

most wonderful

most intense

feeling you have ever felt

always happening, all at once.

It feels like someone has put a pressure on your chest so strong that your heart might explode at any given second.

The silly songs on the radio finally make complete sense.

You can’t help but sing along to every sappy lyric with a goofy smile plastered across your face.

When you so simply speak their name

It is never done without a smile in your

Voice. Your most favorite sound.

Their laugh, their smell, their taste, their presence

Faultless.

The way their eyes sparkle, the steady rhythm of their beating heart, the softness of their breathing

Flawless.

In fact, it’s more perfect than your dreams. So perfect, in fact, that you can’t sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

It’s like you’ve just stepped off the Teacups in Disney Land,

Dizzy; but in the happiest place you’ve ever been.

No matter what you are doing, if you are with them, you are completely content.

No silence is uncomfortable. Silence is what brings their soul closer to yours than any arrangement of words ever could.

But when conversation begins, the phrases exchanged are without end.  

You feel yourself suddenly open up in ways you never knew were closed off.

Direct eye contact makes your insides flutter yet puts your mind in a state of ease you didn’t know existed.

Your mind screams how in love you are with them every time you look up at them.

See, the thing about love is

You need not have to say “I Love you” but forever want to say it so they know.

Heartbreak

The thing about heartbreak is

It is the worst feeling in the world

It is

utter devastation

absolute confusion

unstable anger

and blunt regretfulness.

Your chest tightens to the point where you can hardly bare to breathe.

 It feels like a bowling ball has been planted on top of your lungs and the roots are tangling around your heart, restricting the unsteady beats.

Your best friends become the depressed lyrists, unemotionally permitting them to temporarily numb the infectious wounds. 

The sound of their name makes you cringe.

Every memory, every laugh, every shared secret

Wasted.

You sit unmoving for countless hours replaying every moment

Trying to understand where the rotting began.

And with every replayed memory comes a void smile

Recognition these flashbacks will not come with a sequel.