it's hard to dance with the devil on your back

I have just come to the realization that about a year has passed since I got my denial email from BYU. Not going to lie, about a year ago today I was the most devastated I had ever been before. After a couple months of unrelated struggles, this one hit me like cinder block. In my mind, after a couple months of one rough patch after the other, this was my one last hope. And to by quite honest, I was pretty sure I was going to get accepted. At least that's what people kept telling me. According to everyone around me, there was no way on earth I wasn't going to get in. So when I started seeing people posting on Facebook saying they had gotten in and I had received a flood of texts asking if I had gotten my answer yet, my stomach started to clench and I felt like throwing up I was so nervous. But I just told myself, "there's no way Heavenly Father would do something else to me after everything that's happened... just no way."

But I was wrong. I opened my email and my eyes went directly to the big, bold letters that read DENIED.

I am not going to say I handled it well, because heaven knows I did not. I spent the rest of my night in tears and even had my parents shoo away my friends who had come to visit me. I didn't have a plan B. I didn't know where I would be in a couple months. And I didn't know what would become of my life. I felt so lost and there wasn't really anything anyone could say to make me feel better about the situation I had just been put in.

.....pause... sound dramatic? as silly as it seems to me now, that is truly how things went down.

But I am so happy and pleased to share that this is not how things are now!

I would go through it all over again to get me where I am today.

There is a plan for everyone. I can testify it is not always how we plan things for ourselves or how we except/ want things to turn out. But in the long-term, it is exactly the way it's supposed to be. I have no doubt that the people I have met and the experiences I have had here at Utah State University are exactly what I needed to help me grow into the person I want to become. Coming to school here was no mistake, accident or coincidence. If I had been anywhere else, I would have missed so many opportunities to meet some incredible people and have some of the best moments of my life!

USU has given me the opportunity to see the world with new eyes. After being here for exactly one semester and a half (yes it's midterms) I feel like a stronger, less judgmental, more easy going, spontaneous and confident person.

I love this school because you can seriously be anyone you want to be. I know, you're shaking your head and saying, "oh please, you can do that anywhere" but seriously there is no perfect "mold" here. Everyone loves everyone and I am not even close to exaggerating. This community and campus are more connected than you could ever imagine. Everyone is insanely friendly and when we come together during sporting events there is nothing that can break that bond!

I am thankful for what got me here. I am grateful Heavenly Father knew what was best for me, even when I had my doubts in the calls He was making on my life. Life is good and even on rainy days, whether it be physical rain (like today) or metaphorical rain, there is no reason EVER to give up hope.

2 posts in 1 day for 3 awesome weeks

As mentioned in my previous post, I have some fun memories to share! To be honest, I don't quite know where to begin. Sooooo I think I am just going to start with some pic-cha's to re-jog the old noggin.

Call us Felicia. I'm not Felicia. Kenzie's not Felicia. Rachel's not Felicia. But together, WE ARE FELICIA.

This name came about because we decided we are a very facetious group of gals. 

Facetious (adj): treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant.

Yep, I'd say that is a very accurate definition of us when we get together. 

When Elder D Todd Christofferson spoke at the Spectrum! Cool opportunity. USU has got the hook ups for sure.

So these two pictures are from 3 weekends ago. It was filled with late nights, meeting new people, free Coldstone, party at the HPER (where our friends Doug and Tyson won the gift cards to Coldstone), a service activity with our stake Relief Society (including a delicious brunch) (did I mention we love getting free food?), winning basketball game, slippery walks through the cemetery, Christofferson's Devotional, Sunday night Sundae night (Megan Meyer was the manager at Culver's... so she is bomb diggity at making anything sort of ice cream treat). 

Number 1 fans of the intramural basketball team, Soccer! These boys kill me. They are all hilarious. They are all soccer players, but they signed up for intramural basketball just for funnies. They definitely get the biggest turn out at their games! Could be because of the raffles they do during time-outs. Rachel won a wilted flower, Kenz won a Britney Spear's DVD and I got the chapstick the team shared (which means I can say I kissed the whole team I guess ;) )

My good friend, Braxton from across the hall, knew I had been stressing over a Stats test all week and a 24 hour article assignment.... so he took me for a much needed break to go chalk up the tunnel over by first dam! Thank goodness for caring people. And for fun times!!

I FREAKING LOOOOOOVE COLLEGE OKAY.
We decided to be extremely spontaneous Thursday Feb. 13 and got all dressed up for a pre-valentines formal dance party. We made the decision at 9:30 and were all glamored up and out the door about an hour later (on a school night. heh heh... yes, you can totes call us rebellious. Carpe Diem is the new YOLO. 

Same pic, but I just feel like we be fly honeys. Am I right?

LOVE these ladies and our love for dance parties. This is just one of the five dance party we have attended in the past 10 days. Call us crazy, but I think one purpose of our existence is to be those wild girls who dance like no one is watching. And believe me, we rock it. 

Another B&W cause why not?

So let me tell you really quick about the dance parties. 

1) Stake Dance. And did we ever do it right. We decided to go in serious style. We decided to do so by bringing our own headphones and music and jamming out to our own tunes on the dance floor. To top it off we brought our USU fanny packs (which we acquired at another dance of course) to put our Ipods/ phones in. We are the coolest. I just love that we are all okay with the fact everyone stares at us like we are nut-ohs. But it's fine because we never fail to get many compliments on how funny we are. GO US!

2) The pre-valentines day formal pictured above. FUN FUN FUN night. Did I mention I didn't fall asleep  til 5 am that night. Too much fun.

3) The spotlight dance on Valentine's Day. The idea was: Single=wear green. Taken=wear red. It's complicated=wear yellow. But of course we have to do something to make us stand out! So guess what we did? Wore all black. AKA we are heartless. ;) lololololol have I already said I love my roommates/ girls across the way? Because I seriously do. 

BTW my bess frien Emily came up to visit me that weekend! Just a fun fact I thought I'd throw into my story of our plethora of dance parties. 

4) Nifty Fifty. Just your typical dance party where you go hard for 50 minutes and then you go home. nbd

5) Mardi Gras! Good times. Oxygen Bar (not worth the long line, but hey, not I can say I've gotton "high" on flavored air... boo yeah), Casino, Reptiles, dance party (of course!) and all things good in life. (ex: my best friends, hot men, crazy moves on the floor, lots of laughter, ect). 

This is an example of what me, Megan Meyer, Rachel and Emily have been spending some of our down time doing the past week. Snapchat Picasso's. 

Another. 

And another.

Also... guess what my new favorite thing is. My friends from college and friends from home are officially friends with each other. Me, Em, Rach and Megan are always snapping each other and we have an ongoing group text! Loooove that. (: 

We wish em could be with us always.

The weekend Emily came here was fun because we all together all the time doing silly/ random activities, including a very successful trip to the local thrift shop. I am just sad we didn't take more pictures :((((

Hockey game!

So one time Karl just had a sleepover with us in our kitchen. Goofball. 

Morning Magic Tricks.

Private math lessons from the genius himself.

EXCITING NEWS! Carly Barton received her mission call last week! Friday we all went down to Cottonwood Heights to be with her and her family when she opened it. Carl is going to Tucson, Arizona on June 25th! I am so proud of her. (: Sadly we didn't take any pictures together that night besides this silly one right here. This is from when we took a midnight run to Wally World to get supplies for our tutu's for Mardi Gras.... and yep.... stayed up til four  in the morning making those darn things. At least we looked supes cute in them at the dance!!!

PS I think these sun hats really capture "Arizona" so this is perf, yeah? (:

Who wants to guess the best moment of my liiiiiifeeeeee

My best friend Mandaline surprised me in the most unexpected way yesterday! I came home from Cottonwood Heights and walked straight to the kitchen to put away some food my kind parents gave me and when I walked in there, her familiar lovely face jumped into my view!!! I totally freaked. I just remember screaming "WHAT" and then dropping all my stuff and pulling her into a huge bear hug. I even cried a tad. Okay, more than a tad. I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH! I wish someone had captured our little moment on camera or video... but either way. I was sooooo happy. Just trust me. 

So Mandaline and Emily got to join us for Mardi Gras (: yaaaahooooo!

LOVE MY BESTIES!!!! (: (: (:

The tutu crew

 The tutu crew take two

 cute cute cute

 fun fun fun

wild for the night

 All my babes

 Totes adorbs

 Me and Rachet. Freakin Beaut!

 kisses cause I love this lady!

 funky fresh and ready to party

 suckin dat O2

Holding a snake! (trying to look calm, cool and collected... but FREAKING out on the inside)

Last, but not least. Today we prepared 200 potatoes for linger longer. Kenzie is on the committee and the main girl over linger longer had surgery this week so Kenzie got placed the responsibility of doing it all by herself (even though there are supposed to be other people on the committee helping). Any way, we all stepped in and saved the day with our mad cooking skills. Wife material I suppose. 

And that brings us to now folks! I feel so blessed for these fun times and fun people in my life! Can't wait to see what the rest of the semester brings.

Celebrate Life

So here's the thing. I have a pile of homework awaiting me, however, I feel very strongly I should document some of the wonderful memories I have created with some of my best friends over the past couple weeks. The last three weeks have been filled to the brim with tons of fun events and I am so grateful for the opportunity to celebrate life!
But before I write about my own life, I want to celebrate somebody else's life for a minute. Today, February 23rd, would have been my sweet angel Becky Smart's 21st birthday. Honestly I was trying to avoid the thought this morning before I went to church, but we had a really great lesson in Relief Society and I couldn't get Becky out of my mind the whole time. Our lesson was on a talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "The Moral Force of Women". It is a really awesome talk. It's all about how the world is in need of faithful, charitable, selfless, loving women and how these kind of women have so much influence on the world and generation to come.
I couldn't keep the influence Becky has had on me off my mind. I have nothing but positive things to say about her.
One story that comes to mind right off the bat is one her (to be) fiance shared at her funeral.
He said there was a Sunday when he wanted to skip out on church and go rock climbing. He asked Becky to come with him, but she said she didn't want to miss church or break the Sabbath. But she gave him permission to make his own decision whether or not to go. He ended up choosing to go climbing. When he returned, they met up and he could tell something was wrong. He knew something was bothering her. When he asked her about it she told him she was disappointed that he would dishonor his priesthood. Then she told him she needed to ask him a serious question. She asked him if he was the kind of man who would honor his priesthood through life; and if he wasn't that type of man, she couldn't get married to him.
This story shows the type of woman she was. Obviously I haven't been put in the position yet to decide who to marry but I have no doubt saying something like that to someone you love is a scary thing to do. I have so much respect for her for respecting herself like that. She completely understood the importance of honoring the callings and roles we are given as members of the church. Becky was one of the strongest members I knew and she always inspired me to be a better person. And she still does. Everyday.
I am so grateful for the time our Relief Society instructor spent preparing this lesson. The spirit was most definitely present. And better yet, I could feel Becky's spirit right next to me (Lucky I got a visit from her on her special day). Thinking about all the memories I have of her made me miss her a ton. Like so soooo much. But I am just so happy for the memories I have of her. To cherish. Until we get to be reunited. (:

My Dad sent this picture to me today. I am pretty sure this was taken at my 6th birthday party. Grateful I knew her then, wish I could celebrate with her today, but blessed to know I will be able to one day! Happy Birthday my guardian angel! I love you so much. Not a day goes by I don't think about you <3

tender mercies

Gotta love those tender mercies, right?

Seriously though. I feel like I have the busiest schedule most days and it just about kills me. For instance, Monday's are the most stressful because I got dozens of notifications over canvas informing me on all I have to accomplish throughout the week. So today (Monday) I wrote down all my assignments, tests and quizzes for this week and I definitely had one of those moments were I just wanted to curl up and cry because of how overwhelmed I was feeling. To top it off I had to reject a date to go rock climbing, ROCK CLIMBING. I haven't been in forever and the fact I couldn't go didn't make me feel any better about the pile of homework and studying awaiting me.

But guess what? No, my teachers didn't decide to take it easy on me this week (unfortunately).... BUT two of my classes got cancelled this week. Hooray I have extra time to do homework! Yep, that sounds nerdy and weird but it is so true because I'm not kidding, without that extra 150 minutes I don't think I could accomplish what I need to.

So that's that. Thank the heavens and continue to say your prayers blessing me with motivation, strength and intelligence! I will need it.... especially for that Statistics test and news article that has to be submitted 24 hours from the start of the event....