Sunday, November 3, 2013

What I know:

This weekend has been Stake Conference. Between last night's session and this morning's session, I heard two really good talks that really hit me. Both were concerning missionary work.
Being up at school, surrounded by so many girls knowing what they want to do, I have been feeling so much pressure to put in my own papers and get a call. I have been feeling so frustrated because I know it isn't "expected" of young women to serve, but when people ask if you are going and you tell them you probably aren't they say "oh" disapprovingly. Honestly it has been driving me nuts! Every young women choosing to serve gets sooooo much praise and the ones who are choosing otherwise are being put down or looked over. And that is not how it should be!!!
The two talks that hit me made me feel a lot of comfortable with my decision to serve the Lord in other ways than a full time mission. I was reminded I am not the only girl feeling this pressure, I am not the only girl afraid on being a less desirable wife, and I am not the only girl who wants the blessings a mission brings! While I was listening to the speaker last night, I felt peace that a full time mission as a single sister missionary is not where the Lord needs me to be during these next two years. One of the things the speaker said was that Satan does not like missionary work. He does not like that we were sitting in church on a Saturday night strengthening our testimonies. That really stood out to me because it reminded me of a line in my Patriarchal Blessing that says Satan does not like me. That got me thinking, "Why would Satan specifically not like me if I am not like all these other young women who desire to spread the gospel on a full time mission??"But these self-doubting thoughts quickly left my mind when the spirit whispered Satan does not like me because I am going to strengthen the testimonies of teenagers so they can have the confidence to share the truth to the world! I have always dreamed of being a counselor at EFY, but last night I realized what a blessing that will be in my life! It's true, I COULD serve a mission and be a counselor when I come home, BUT just like people who decide to serve missions feel right about the city they are called to and the timing of their service, I feel that I need to be there the first summer I am eligible to be a counselor in 2015. I know that being a counselor will strengthen my testimony and I can help serve in solidifying the conversion of member teenagers! I believe I can develop the same qualities as a missionary and be blessed in the same ways.
I am not drawing any lines and declaring I certainly will not go on a mission, but as of now this is what I feel is right for me! I just hope and pray I can keep feeling confident in this choice and people will understand me not going does not make me a bad person!

2 comments:

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  2. I'm so proud of you Claire!! You are the greatest example in the world! (:

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