the bucket list.

Alright folks. It's Wednesday night. Formally known as Hump Day. And I simply could not handle anymore scholarly related brainwork. So I took that brain energy and put it to something useful.... like a list of things I hope to accomplish before I "kick the bucket".

Without any specific order, let's goooooo

1.     Study abroad in a foreign country

2.     Be a counselor at EFY

3.     Live in Europe for at least 1-2 years. Why not?

4.     Run a marathon (and/or) complete a triathlon

5.     Take a ride in a hot air balloon

6.     Be someone’s maid of honor

7.     Smash a pie in someone’s face

8.     Have someone smash a pit in MY face

9.     Learn to play the guitar (at least a couple songs)

10. Backpack through Europe for a whole summer

11. Get married in the temple

12. Go on a camping trip and sleep in hammocks

13. Do humanitarian work in a third world country

14. Have kids of my own

15. Ride an elephant in Thailand

16. Take a trip to Lake Powell… for like at least three weeks straight

17. Hike the Narrows

18. Go to Moab

19. Go repelling somewhere incredible (like down a waterfall)

20. Go streaking

21. Learn to scuba dive

22. Take a gondola ride in Venice

23. Meet Will Smith. Perhaps give him a nice smooch

24. Watch the running of the bulls in Spain

25. Fly first class to an international destination

26. Order room service in a 5 star hotel

27. Catch a shark

28. Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square

29. Ice skate a Rockefeller Center during Christmas time

30. Cut myself a piece of expensive gouda cheese using that special cheese tasting device

31. Dive the Great Barrier Reef in Australia

32. Swim in the Dead Sea

33. Go snowmobiling

34. Build an igloo

35. Kiss my lover on the kiss cam at a sporting event

36. Go to Disney World

37. Go to Harry Potter World

38. Plant a garden

39. Get one of my photographs in The National Geographic Magazine

40. Learn a foreign language

41. Watch baby turtles hatch and find their way to the sea

42. Party at the Carnival in Rio

43. Witness the Northern Lights

44. Visit the seven wonders of the world

45. Publish an article about my travels

46. Go on a safari in Africa

47. Cross a glacier on foot

48. Climb an active volcano

49. Create a “signature” dish of my own to serve at family gatherings

50. Attend Coachella

51. Touch a musician’s hand while they are performing

52. Attend the Olympics (at an age I can recall. I simply can’t count my childhood experience)

53. Lock a love lock to the bridge in Paris with my hubby

54. Be in the stands when two rival South American club teams play each other in soccer

55. Adopt a furry friend

56. Get that rock hard six pack

57. Kiss a stranger

58. Make a difference in someone’s life

59. Shower in a waterfall

60. Kiss under the fireworks

61. Be serenaded to

62. Go white water rafting

63. Go cliff jumping into the ocean

64. Ride a camel

65. Road trip to California with ma ladies before we get married

66. Tell a boy “I love you” and really mean it

67. Play an elaborate practical joke on someone

68. Be kissed in the pouring rain

69. Pay for the person’s meal behind me at a fast food place

70. Learn to ballroom dance properly

71. Spend a whole day reading a novel

72. Tell a judge “You can’t handle the truth!”

73. Host a tea party. Make it utterly sophisticated. And perhaps play a quaint game of croquet

74. Go ice fishing

75. Pet a polar bear

76. Learn self defense

77.  Serve a mission with my spouse

78. Scream at the top of my lungs on a mountain top

79. Make spaghetti tacos like the ones in ICarly

80. Learn to surf

81. Wear really red lipstick on a casual day just for fun

82. Kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower

83. Drive a sports car over 150 mph

84. Stay at a Bed and Breakfast with my significant other

85. Enjoy a really really expensive dinner at one of the world’s best restaurants

86. Go to Lake Tahoe

87. Ride a Farris Wheel at sunset

88. Crash a wedding

89. Find a cause and raise a significant amount of money toward it

90. Go to Marti Gras in New Orleans

91. Milk a cow

92. Visit Machu Picchu

93. Go on date to a drive in movie and cuddle in the bed of the truck

94. Learn CPR

95. Eat a foreign delicacy that sounds disgusting

96. Send the President an invitation to my wedding

97. Send Mickey and Minnie Mouse and invitation to my wedding

98. Choose a favorite painting, and then visit it in person

99. Go on a sleigh ride at temple square during Christmas time

100.  Bury a time capsule at the top of a mountain

I am sure this list will continue to grow as I live on, but I hope I can be checking things off along the way. 

This was a pretty fun exercise, so whatcha waitin' for? MAKE YOURS.

The Gospel is a Gift

It's true. This gospel I am so blessed to have in my life, is a gift. It is the perfect gift. And I am so happy to have it.

This past week I had an experience I am really grateful for. 

Have you ever felt like you are just too busy because you have to read a million chapters, write a really really challenging article, find people to interview, fill out an application to live in a foreign country, try to understand statistics, and have to come up with a speech to impress a class full of strangers? And when all this weight is on your shoulders, all you want to do is delete anything extra from your life? Like maybe... umm... institute? That is exactly how I felt on Thursday.

I am not proud to admit it, but when I was on the verge of tears from all the building stress, I seriously considered this option. But then I thought again. We had recently had a devotional on the importance of institute and why it is so necessary for young adults... and in this fine devotional there was a mention of receiving "extra" blessing if you attend it regularly. So I thought to myself, "I could really use some extra blessings." I know, I guess I didn't necessarily go for the "right" reasons, but it got me there. And I am so happy it did!

The institute class I am enrolled in is called "Teachings of the Living Prophets". That day in class, we were studying Elder Russell M. Nelson. After learning a couple random fun facts about his life, we got right into the talk he gave last General Conference in November.

I didn't see it coming, but there was a paragraph that hit me really hard. This paragraph gave me the peace I have been looking for the last seven months. After my sweet, loving friend Becky passed away, there wasn't really anything anyone could say to me that gave me a whole comfort in my heart. I knew the things they told me were true, but nothing anyone ever said made me feel at peace with reality. 

"The aging process is also a gift from God, as is death. The eventual death of your mortal body is essential to God's great plan of happiness. Why? Because death will allow your spirit to return home to Him. From an eternal perspective, death is only premature for those who are not prepared to meet God."

Nothing in this paragraph is new news to me. I have known these things are true for a long time. But somehow, the way Elder Nelson worded it finally stuck out to me in the way I have been searching for. 

Death is a gift. Death does not always come from the aging process, but it is still a gift. Death is essential to God's great plan of happiness. Death will allow your spirit to return home to Him. Death is only premature for those who are not prepared to meet God.

Becky's death seemed premature to every person who knew her and loved her. But, in God's eyes, SHE WAS PREPARED. Even seven months ago, I knew she couldn't have been more prepared to meet God. I wrote:

"There is no doubt Becky Smart made a difference in everyone's lives she touched. She honestly made me feel like a million bucks even when she wasn't around. She was taken from us at such a young age because she had already mastered what few people are ever lucky enough to learn in a full lifetime: how to truly love. I can't think of a better example of this than her. She was always so full of light and love and could change the mood of any setting with her wonderful sense of humor. I hope we can all remember her example and seriously, go tell someone what they mean to you because you never know what could happen! I love you Becky and I couldn't be more grateful to have had you in my life."

She was ready. Even if I wasn't, she was. I didn't think about it this way before, but I am so grateful for the living prophets we have been blessed with today to help me see the light and truth!

I love you Becky Smart. I know this life is just a tiny portion of God's plan, so guess what friend? I will be seeing you soon. <3

I never got around to posting this picture during Christmas time. This is a scan of a DRAWING my best friend in the whole wide world, Bethypoo Hansen, made for me. Without a doubt, theeeee best present I have ever received. She snuck into my house the night of Christmas Eve and hid this present under the tree without telling anyone. When I ran across it Christmas morning, I was so surprised. No one knew when it had got there, but I went right ahead and opened it, not suspecting what was inside. When I turned the picture frame around, I instantly began to bawl. I never know tears could form so fast, but they streamed down my face as I looked into our perfectly happy faces. This is a picture I will treasure for the rest of my life. These girls on each side of me are two of the closest friends I have ever had. Although we knew each other for almost our entire lives, we never ever had an argument or annoyance with each other (excluding who got the prettiest Barbie Doll...maybe). But seriously, everything in our relationship with each other was perfect, and will be for eternity! I can't wait to be silly and loud in Paradise with you, Becky. Until then, Beth and I will keep your spirit on earth alive reminiscing all the great times we had, and we will continue to make many more as you watch over us safely in your Earthly Father and Heavenly Father's arms!

Reflecting on 2013

2013. A year with more up’s and down’s than I would have ever thought possible in a matter of 12 months. I still have a hard time reconciling with some of the events that took place, but like all things I know it will make sense one day, even if that day is not on this earth. At the same time, my life has also been changed for the better. I am saying goodbye to 2013 much happier than I was welcoming it in. So let’s take a minute to reflect on all the happenings this year has given me… all the memories that will stick with me forever… all the moments I never wanted to end… and even the ones that still make me cringe.

            I am going to be completely honest. The beginning of the year had more down’s than up’s for me. But on the fortunate side, the end of this year has been quite the opposite, giving me more up’s than down’s. I guess this is life and that’s just how it goes.

            I started the year off with two pieces of me broken. As a girl, a teenager, and a human being, I experienced my first heartbreak. I never expected a broken heart to take as big as a toll on me as it did… but when they say it feels like the world collapsing it really isn’t an exaggeration. And I am a happy person, not emo whatsoever haha but it hurt me bad and had me stuck in a bit of a rut for a while.   The other part of me that broke is a bit of a funny story to tell the truth! For New Year’s Eve me and 6 of my favorite people (even including the boy who broke my heart) decided it would be fun to spend the night jumping around on trampolines at no place other than Hangtime in Provo! It was a New Year’s deal… like only 6 dollars for 3 hours of fun play time! But if you ever decide to play on tramps, don’t go for 3 hours. The results are shocking and awfully upsetting. No, I didn’t perform any sick tricks or even have a collision with a person or object. Yep, all it took for the bones in my foot to break was the exhaustion of the same repeated motion of pounding and jumping. Haha about an hour before we left I realized my toe hurt extremely bad but I thought it was just a cramp or something so I kept jumping my heart away! I even joked about it being broken, but honestly how ridiculous would that be if it were true right? I didn’t even do anything crazy! But when I woke up on January first and couldn’t walk we took a trip to the hospital and sure enough, it was broken! The part about my foot breaking that sucked was not the broken bone itself, but the timing of it. January third was the first day of lacrosse practice and I had been looking forward to that day for a month. Not necessarily because I am a die-hard lover of lacrosse, but I was so excited for an activity to take my mind off my broken heart for 2 whole hours a day! So instead of being able to run all my feelings away to cope the way I wanted to, I was stuck sitting at home, unable to do anything productive for about 6 weeks. Yet on the plus side I discovered a love for the TV series Friends! Haha so if anything good came out of me being a bump on a log at least I developed a new sense of humor and got a couple good laughs which heaven knows I needed at the time!

            Returning to lacrosse was not as tough a transition as I thought it would be. There were new coaches and the conditioning was not as intense as it had been the previous year, according to my teammates. In fact, the second practice I went to I lapped about half the girls on my team on one of the drills. It surprised everyone including myself, but I seriously think I just had soooo much pent up energy from sitting around I needed to get it all out and forget everything that was happening in my life for just a second. The first couple of weeks of my return to practice I pushed myself to all my limits and worked hard to prove my spot on Varsity. I ended up making the cut and I was stoked!

            But then a couple weeks later when games started, I received more news that cut me down. I got an email from BYU saying my acceptance had been declined. I was devastated. In my mind, that was my last hope, the only reason to keep trying.  At that point, I sort of gave up in all aspects. I stopped trying during lacrosse practice, leading me to sitting on the bench for the majority of game time. I gave up trying to make the most of high school. I was beyond ready to get out, away from all the people I felt were fake and phony.

            I think what got me through those last couple months of high school was a trip I took with three of my very best friends. I counted it as being my senior trip, even though it was during spring break and none of those friends would be graduating from Brighton with me. That vacation was an opportunity for me to leave the world behind for a week and find the beauty of this world and of life. We created some of the best memories and grew so much closer even though that seems impossible because we were already so close!

            A couple days after we returned from the trip I was forced to say my first goodbye to one of my best friends who was leaving on a mission. I miss the crap out of that kid, just as I do all the others serving, but my testimony of missionary work has grown from each farewell talks and wonderful weekly emails! Anyway, saying goodbye was hard but time is going by pretty quickly now and hopefully they will all be back before I know it!

             Also when I returned from the trip we had to start AP study groups for the upcoming test at the end of the year. Luckily, I LOVED my study group to death. Seriously. Besides my great friend Abby, I didn’t know anyone in my group super well at first. We were all so different. And if it hadn’t been for that group, our paths would never really have collided. But I am so grateful they did because I love those people. Our meetings were super beneficial for two reasons. We covered all the material we needed too, plus some & we always ended up crying from laughter at some point or another each time we met up. Holy smokes, I never knew how funny they would all be! And due to them, I passed the test! Thank the heaven’s something finally went right for all the hard work I put into it!

            The last couple weeks of high school were a breeze and probably some of the best I had had all year. I didn’t have anymore hard homework because my AP test and AP portfolio were finished with, leaving me with time to spend with some friends who would soon be leaving on their missions and other friends I didn’t get to spend as much time with as I would have liked. We had our Senior Dinner Dance, which was a complete blast! And then before I knew it, even after awaiting it for about a year and a half, I GRADUATED! What a great day. I wasn’t sad to say goodbye to that portion of my life as many of my classmates were which I think is a good thing. I felt ready to move onto bigger and better things and let my life begin!

            Two days after graduation I would say step one of beginning a new life was checked off. To begin, me and my soon to be roomie drove up to what would soon be our home, the beloved Logan, to complete our SOAR session. Basically a counseling session to tour the campus and sign up for classes and have any questions answered. This got me so excited for what would soon be my reality… a new phase of life! To top that off, that night I hung out with the one and only TD, a boy who every girl in school would have died for. Like not exaggerating (ha). Soooo that was quite exciting, as one would imagine, especially because he texted me and showed up completely unexpectedly. I’m talking about the hottest, most popular kid from Brighton, wanting to hang out with the average me. Needless to say, that was a memorable night, with an even more memorable ending (if ya know what I mean…) WOO!

            I was on a high for the next 14 days. After this high came the lowest low I have ever been. One of my very best friends since childhood, Becky, passed away. 20 years old, in perfect health, passed away. Causes are unknown, even after an autopsy was performed. This loss and uncertainty caused the most pain I have ever felt- mentally, spiritually, and physically. I can’t put into words how hard this loss was and still is on me. My whole body felt numb for weeks and smiling did not come naturally. I had to remember all my blessings and make the choice every morning to be strong and to be happy. I hate that I had to loose her. I hate that her family had to loose her. But I have never been surer that the Plan of Salvation is real. I know I will see her again. I know she was needed in heaven, even though I feel like I still need her here for me and for the ones who love her so deeply. When I first received the news, I was so confused and so so mad. Why did I have to go through the impossible when things were finally looking up for me? Why did her family have to loose her when they had already lost their Dad and Husband several years before? Why would I never get to see her in this life again when she was one of the few people who knew me best, who was willing to listen to me for hours no matter what I was saying, who made me laugh harder than anyone ever could? I still don’t know why. And I don’t believe I ever will in this life. But I am grateful everyday that I know where she is and that she is happy and reunited with her Earthly Father and her Heavenly Father. I truly couldn’t be happy without this knowledge.

            With that being said, this summer was different than any I have ever had. Normally my summers are filled with vacation after vacation. Luckily, I had this summer to spend time at home and rest my mind and body while trying to recover from those enormous amounts of pain I felt heaped upon me every day. There couldn’t have been a better summer to be laid back. I got to spend lots of time with the some of the people I needed most at this time. I spent many days with my family, lots of time with friends who were leaving on missions and those who I would have to say goodbye to when we all went off to different schools.

            Suddenly, summer was up and it was time to start school! I felt ready. I felt excited. And I was so happy the time had finally come! I wasn’t even that nervous about moving in with four girls I hardly knew who I would soon be seeing everyday. We had all hung out 4 times over the summer, and I felt confident we would get along without much drama. And guess what?! I was right! I love those girls so much. They have become my best friends in such a short amount of time. I got incredibly lucky to have them all in my life. I hear others horror stories of rooming situations and I am proud to say our issues have been minimum.  

            This semester has been better than I ever dreamed. I’m honestly grateful for the everything that got me to USU. Although I was so devastated when I didn’t get accepted into the school I have always dreamed on attending, I know I didn’t get in for a reason. If I had been accepted, I would have gone. And although I still love BYU and may even end up there one day, I know I was supposed to come to USU for my first semester of college. I have grown in ways I didn’t think possible so soon after what happened this summer. I have been able to step outside my comfort zone and focus on becoming who I have the potential to be, whereas if I had gone to BYU, I believe most of my focus would have gone toward not drowning in classes. At USU I have done well academically this semester, receiving a 3.8, while still being able to teach myself other skills and learn more about myself. I have found and developed passions I didn’t realize I had. I discovered journalism and want to major in the field. I even conquered a fear I have always had-heights- and now love to go rock climbing to relieve stress. I still believe working hard to earn good grades is important, but I have learned there is more to life than getting A’s. I have taught myself to loosen up and let myself have fun instead of stressing myself out over school. I let myself live in the moment without worrying what will happen in the future. Life is a precious gift and if you don’t take it by the horns and go you are wasting it.

            A phrase I hope to live by in 2014 is one I heard at Po Bev one night:

“Some say reach for the stars, but I reach for a new galaxy”

I know it’s cliché, but anything is possible if you believe you can do it! Set goals, make a plan, and GO! Because if I can believe anything’s possible after the hardest year of my life, you can make it possible for yourself too.