2013. A year with more up’s and down’s than I would have
ever thought possible in a matter of 12 months. I still have a hard time
reconciling with some of the events that took place, but like all things I know
it will make sense one day, even if that day is not on this earth. At the same
time, my life has also been changed for the better. I am saying goodbye to 2013
much happier than I was welcoming it in. So let’s take a minute to reflect on
all the happenings this year has given me… all the memories that will stick
with me forever… all the moments I never wanted to end… and even the ones that
still make me cringe.
I am going
to be completely honest. The beginning of the year had more down’s than up’s
for me. But on the fortunate side, the end of this year has been quite the
opposite, giving me more up’s than down’s. I guess this is life and that’s just
how it goes.
I started
the year off with two pieces of me broken. As a girl, a teenager, and a human
being, I experienced my first heartbreak. I never expected a broken heart to
take as big as a toll on me as it did… but when they say it feels like the
world collapsing it really isn’t an exaggeration. And I am a happy person, not
emo whatsoever haha but it hurt me bad and had me stuck in a bit of a rut for a
while. The other part of me that broke
is a bit of a funny story to tell the truth! For New Year’s Eve me and 6 of my
favorite people (even including the boy who broke my heart) decided it would be
fun to spend the night jumping around on trampolines at no place other than
Hangtime in Provo! It was a New Year’s deal… like only 6 dollars for 3 hours of
fun play time! But if you ever decide to play on tramps, don’t go for 3 hours.
The results are shocking and awfully upsetting. No, I didn’t perform any sick
tricks or even have a collision with a person or object. Yep, all it took for
the bones in my foot to break was the exhaustion of the same repeated motion of
pounding and jumping. Haha about an hour before we left I realized my toe hurt
extremely bad but I thought it was just a cramp or something so I kept jumping
my heart away! I even joked about it being broken, but honestly how ridiculous
would that be if it were true right? I didn’t even do anything crazy! But when
I woke up on January first and couldn’t walk we took a trip to the hospital and
sure enough, it was broken! The part about my foot breaking that sucked was not
the broken bone itself, but the timing of it. January third was the first day
of lacrosse practice and I had been looking forward to that day for a month.
Not necessarily because I am a die-hard lover of lacrosse, but I was so excited
for an activity to take my mind off my broken heart for 2 whole hours a day! So
instead of being able to run all my feelings away to cope the way I wanted to,
I was stuck sitting at home, unable to do anything productive for about 6
weeks. Yet on the plus side I discovered a love for the TV series Friends! Haha so if anything good came
out of me being a bump on a log at least I developed a new sense of humor and
got a couple good laughs which heaven knows I needed at the time!
Returning
to lacrosse was not as tough a transition as I thought it would be. There were
new coaches and the conditioning was not as intense as it had been the previous
year, according to my teammates. In fact, the second practice I went to I
lapped about half the girls on my team on one of the drills. It surprised
everyone including myself, but I seriously think I just had soooo much pent up
energy from sitting around I needed to get it all out and forget everything
that was happening in my life for just a second. The first couple of weeks of
my return to practice I pushed myself to all my limits and worked hard to prove
my spot on Varsity. I ended up making the cut and I was stoked!
But then a
couple weeks later when games started, I received more news that cut me down. I
got an email from BYU saying my acceptance had been declined. I was devastated.
In my mind, that was my last hope, the only reason to keep trying. At that point, I sort of gave up in all
aspects. I stopped trying during lacrosse practice, leading me to sitting on
the bench for the majority of game time. I gave up trying to make the most of
high school. I was beyond ready to get out, away from all the people I felt
were fake and phony.
I think
what got me through those last couple months of high school was a trip I took
with three of my very best friends. I counted it as being my senior trip, even
though it was during spring break and none of those friends would be graduating
from Brighton with me. That vacation was an opportunity for me to leave the
world behind for a week and find the beauty of this world and of life. We
created some of the best memories and grew so much closer even though that
seems impossible because we were already so close!
A couple
days after we returned from the trip I was forced to say my first goodbye to
one of my best friends who was leaving on a mission. I miss the crap out of
that kid, just as I do all the others serving, but my testimony of missionary
work has grown from each farewell talks and wonderful weekly emails! Anyway,
saying goodbye was hard but time is going by pretty quickly now and hopefully
they will all be back before I know it!
Also when I
returned from the trip we had to start AP study groups for the upcoming test at
the end of the year. Luckily, I LOVED my study group to death. Seriously.
Besides my great friend Abby, I didn’t know anyone in my group super well at
first. We were all so different. And if it hadn’t been for that group, our
paths would never really have collided. But I am so grateful they did because I
love those people. Our meetings were super beneficial for two reasons. We
covered all the material we needed too, plus some & we always ended up
crying from laughter at some point or another each time we met up. Holy smokes,
I never knew how funny they would all be! And due to them, I passed the test!
Thank the heaven’s something finally went right for all the hard work I put
into it!
The last
couple weeks of high school were a breeze and probably some of the best I had
had all year. I didn’t have anymore hard homework because my AP test and AP
portfolio were finished with, leaving me with time to spend with some friends
who would soon be leaving on their missions and other friends I didn’t get to
spend as much time with as I would have liked. We had our Senior Dinner Dance,
which was a complete blast! And then before I knew it, even after awaiting it
for about a year and a half, I GRADUATED! What a great day. I wasn’t sad to say
goodbye to that portion of my life as many of my classmates were which I think
is a good thing. I felt ready to move onto bigger and better things and let my
life begin!
Two days
after graduation I would say step one of beginning a new life was checked off.
To begin, me and my soon to be roomie drove up to what would soon be our home,
the beloved Logan, to complete our SOAR session. Basically a counseling session
to tour the campus and sign up for classes and have any questions answered.
This got me so excited for what would soon be my reality… a new phase of life!
To top that off, that night I hung out with the one and only TD, a boy who
every girl in school would have died for. Like not exaggerating (ha). Soooo that
was quite exciting, as one would imagine, especially because he texted me and
showed up completely unexpectedly. I’m talking about the hottest, most popular
kid from Brighton, wanting to hang out with the average me. Needless to say,
that was a memorable night, with an even more memorable ending (if ya know what
I mean…) WOO!
I was on a
high for the next 14 days. After this high came the lowest low I have ever
been. One of my very best friends since childhood, Becky, passed away. 20 years
old, in perfect health, passed away. Causes are unknown, even after an autopsy
was performed. This loss and uncertainty caused the most pain I have ever felt-
mentally, spiritually, and physically. I can’t put into words how hard this
loss was and still is on me. My whole body felt numb for weeks and smiling did
not come naturally. I had to remember all my blessings and make the choice
every morning to be strong and to be happy. I hate that I had to loose her. I
hate that her family had to loose her. But I have never been surer that the
Plan of Salvation is real. I know I will see her again. I know she was needed
in heaven, even though I feel like I still need her here for me and for the
ones who love her so deeply. When I first received the news, I was so confused
and so so mad. Why did I have to go through the impossible when things were
finally looking up for me? Why did her family have to loose her when they had
already lost their Dad and Husband several years before? Why would I never get
to see her in this life again when she was one of the few people who knew me
best, who was willing to listen to me for hours no matter what I was saying,
who made me laugh harder than anyone ever could? I still don’t know why. And I
don’t believe I ever will in this life. But I am grateful everyday that I know
where she is and that she is happy and reunited with her Earthly Father and her
Heavenly Father. I truly couldn’t be happy without this knowledge.
With that
being said, this summer was different than any I have ever had. Normally my
summers are filled with vacation after vacation. Luckily, I had this summer to
spend time at home and rest my mind and body while trying to recover from those
enormous amounts of pain I felt heaped upon me every day. There couldn’t have
been a better summer to be laid back. I got to spend lots of time with the some
of the people I needed most at this time. I spent many days with my family,
lots of time with friends who were leaving on missions and those who I would
have to say goodbye to when we all went off to different schools.
Suddenly,
summer was up and it was time to start school! I felt ready. I felt excited.
And I was so happy the time had finally come! I wasn’t even that nervous about
moving in with four girls I hardly knew who I would soon be seeing everyday. We
had all hung out 4 times over the summer, and I felt confident we would get
along without much drama. And guess what?! I was right! I love those girls so
much. They have become my best friends in such a short amount of time. I got
incredibly lucky to have them all in my life. I hear others horror stories of
rooming situations and I am proud to say our issues have been minimum.
This
semester has been better than I ever dreamed. I’m honestly grateful for the
everything that got me to USU. Although I was so devastated when I didn’t get
accepted into the school I have always dreamed on attending, I know I didn’t
get in for a reason. If I had been accepted, I would have gone. And although I
still love BYU and may even end up there one day, I know I was supposed to come
to USU for my first semester of college. I have grown in ways I didn’t think
possible so soon after what happened this summer. I have been able to step
outside my comfort zone and focus on becoming who I have the potential to be,
whereas if I had gone to BYU, I believe most of my focus would have gone toward
not drowning in classes. At USU I have done well academically this semester, receiving
a 3.8, while still being able to teach myself other skills and learn more about
myself. I have found and developed passions I didn’t realize I had. I
discovered journalism and want to major in the field. I even conquered a fear I
have always had-heights- and now love to go rock climbing to relieve stress. I
still believe working hard to earn good grades is important, but I have learned
there is more to life than getting A’s. I have taught myself to loosen up and
let myself have fun instead of stressing myself out over school. I let myself
live in the moment without worrying what will happen in the future. Life is a
precious gift and if you don’t take it by the horns and go you are wasting it.
A phrase I
hope to live by in 2014 is one I heard at Po Bev one night:
“Some say reach for the stars, but I reach for a new galaxy”
I know it’s cliché, but anything is possible if you believe
you can do it! Set goals, make a plan, and GO! Because if I can believe anything’s
possible after the hardest year of my life, you can make it possible for
yourself too.
